bittersweet

It was three weeks ago today that I got the call, three weeks ago that I boarded the aircraft bound for the epitome of a place called Bittersweet.

In many ways, it feels like it has been three months, not three weeks. In other ways, it feels like it was yesterday.

In still other ways, it feels like she is still here. Like when I turn to pick up the phone to tell her about something cute her grandson just did, then realize that I can't.

But I asked for it. Prayed for it, even.

Wikipedia says that 'bittersweet' is 'an outcome for something that was wished for but with unforseen consequences.'

I suppose one of those unforeseen consequences has been the lingering lull. I guess I didn't fully realize just how much anxiety and stress I absorbed as a result of the circumstances, nor how much it all consumed me. Now all of that is gone, which is presumably a healthier alternative. But with their departure comes an emptiness, an eerie quiet, an overcast gap.

I know it will not last forever. But even that realization is somewhat disconcerting. As if she could be replaced, as if the void could be filled. Yet the sun will shine again. She would want it to.

Google says 'bittersweet' means 'sweet with a bitter aftertaste.'

What about 'bitter with a sweet aftertaste'? Bitter then, bitter now, but promised sweetness yet to come...

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

Psalm 34:8